so, this is pain.

hmm when was the last time i wrote this blog.. keknya gw udh lama banget mengabaikan blog ini.
so much stories to tell, where can i start. hmm..

well, gw udh di semester 3 sekarang.
i really enjoying my life right now, i got a lot of friends in uni, i still keep in touch with my high school friends.
so far so good..

remember about the guy that i've been talking about in the last post? well, our story just end last month.
it ends when i don't know when it started.

well, at first, everything is soo beautiful.
we met up about 4 times, we communicate through bbm and sms, sometimes with twitter.
we use skype when we miss each other.
i really hope this much for this guy, i've been so patient to let him ask me to be his girlfriend.
and it ends just right after my 19th birthday.

well nothing much to say, i get so disappointed though.
he promised me everything. he wanted to take me to this place, to that place.
he said to my friend that i am the one. but then, i knew that everything he said are lies. he chose another girl. he is actually full of bullshit.
gombal? mati aja ke laut. janji-janji palsu? sono ke ujung dunia. tukang boong? ga usah hidup. HA! 

Let's not forget how he can be such an insensitive jerk, a very selfish egocentric heartless bastard, a cruel player, and a big fat liar

actually, i can accept if he choose that girl rather than choosing me.
but, i can't accept the truth that he lied to me. not just me, but to my friends.
he still calling me 'bisous' but his status is taken. he promised me everything but he can't fulfilled it.
he ruined my favorite month ever. september.
well, i guess this year's september is not ceria for me.

"Sometimes it's not the person you miss, it's the feeling you had when you were with them."

my heart break into pieces. i cry myself out until 4am in the morning. wondering why he do this to me. he didn't even give me an explanation...Crying doesn't solve problem. but it feels relieve, even just a little.
someone i know become someone i knew. i deleted his bbm.
and right after i deleted his bbm, he said to my friend why i don't want to be just friends with him. friends huh? what should i say? congrats? i'm not a hypocrite! I'm not a substitute.I'm not a damn toy that you can playing around with.I'm not a fucking trash that you can just throw away.

The saddest thing for α girl to do is dumb herself down for α guy that not even worthed. 

and i know, this is not an ordinary pain. i should know this from the beginning.
now, it's really hard for me to open my heart to someone else. i don't even trust men no more.
why this happen to me? i keep asking that question to myself.

If you left me without α reason, don't come back with an excuse!

If only memories could be erased, the memory of him that i want to remove. i know him since november. so i guess I just wasted almost 11 months of my life for nothing.. i usually never regret such things. tapi kali ini, gw bener-bener nyesel banget udah kenal sama dia.until now, i still can't find the reason why should i forgive.

"Three things that hard for me to do are forgive, forget, and let go"

 I'm just a human. My patience has limits. I also have a heart and feeling. i hope, no, i want this is to be my last brokenheart. i really need someone who cares about me, who can't accept me the way i am and always be there for me. and i know that God has perfect plan for my life. just wait for the perfect time.