future.

pernah ga sih kita bertanya tanya, what would i become when i grow up?
kalau masih kecil kita dengan gampang bakal bilang semua profesi yang ada. mulai dari dokter, insinyur sampai astronot,
but as the time goes by, cita-cita ga segampang itu disebut.
ketika masuk SMA, kita harus pilih mau ambil jurusan IPA atau IPS.
after that, kita harus pilih lagi mau masuk universitas apa dan jurusan apa.
to be honest, i was confused that day karena gw bener2 ga tau hrs ambil apa, mau jadi apa, dan ga mau salah pilih.
to make it easy, sekolah bahkan kasih test bakat yang memudahkan orang2 yang plinplan kek gw
ambil jurusan yang gw ambil sekarang ga bikin gw nyesel, it turns out really good, i was having fun.

tapi gw hrs hadepin dilema lagi, skrg gw lg skripsi dan bentar lagi lulus. dan gw kembali hrs menerima pertanyaan nyokap. mau S2 atau engga? jujur, gw ga pengen S2, tapi gw juga belom siap buat ke dunia nyata, dunia kerja yang kata banyak orang lebih kejam.
kalo dari dulu boleh mimpi, sebagai cewe tinggal nunggu pangeran datang, jd ibu rumah tangga cuma leha2 doang. tapi dunia nyata ga kayak di dongeng, this is the ugly truth.

gw yang selama ini pusing krn bentar lagi mau jadi jomblo perak, harus pusingin hal ini lagi. sometimes i envy other people. they get the things they want easily. eventhough i know there are lots of hardwork. but still, there are some lucky bastards that can get things they want based on luck.

HOKI. satu kata yang cuma dimiliki segelintir orang. dan itu ga ada di gw sama sekali.

till now, gw masih bingung. what do i want to be when i grow up?

the ending?

remember Ray? we just ended our relationships, even i know we don't even start at all.

i started to think, sampai kapan gw sama dia bakal gini terus?
selama setiap hari selama sebulan gw sama sekali ga berhenti ngobrol sama dia.
but i can't see him in person. that's why i frustrated.

gw ga bisa ke USA, dia juga ga bisa balik indo.
so i decided to stop this, karena gw tau kalo diterusin gw bakal stuck. gw ngelakuin ini karena gw sama dia baru kenal sebulan, karena gw pikir sebelum terlalu lama dan terlalu terlambat...
but i like him, i really do.
i think he is the only one who can love me for who i am..

when i suddenly stop chatting with him.
he was confused and mad at me at the same time.
and i'm also confused because i don't know how to explain this to him.
so i explain how i feel through my cousins.

he understands, but somehow, it still hurt.
keadaan yang buat kita ga bisa sama2.
i even shocked when my cousin told me that he already prepared a surprise for me.
he bought me a diamond necklace.. dan gw semakin merasa bersalah.
why it has to be necklace, why not just giving me a chocolate.
dan yang bikin gw feel like a b*tch, i have to pretend that i dont know about the necklace until i get it.

gw ga bakal bisa terima barang mahal kayak gitu, that's too much!
gw bahkan ga bisa ngom apa2 pas tau soal kalung itu..
i hate myself, gw bener2 merasa bersalah.
dan gw benci kenapa dia hrs disana dan gw disini. klo dia disini, i have no doubt at all.
dan gw benci gw ga bisa ngomong langsung ke dia, semua hrs lewat tulisan.
i have never been through this kind of situation before..

Ray, kalau kita emang jodoh, wherever you are, we'll find each other back..
I wish you every happiness.
you told me to forget everything that you said, but i can't.
you've come into my life, you've been part of my life. i can't never forget everything that you've said and done for me. Thank you for everything.