Lucky?

do you ever feel so hard to forget about someone?
do you ever feel so hard to forgive someone?

yesterday, 23th of march 2013.
i was hanging out with my high school friends at PIK (pantai indah kapuk)
when suddenly one of my friend that her uni friend is there too, karaoke-ing.
i doon't feel anything so i asked her whether she want to meet her friends or not.
she said no. and after that we went home.

pas di jalan, tiba2 temen2 gw teriak. "WOW si itu td ada di pik!!"
anyway, si itu adalah org terakhir yg membuat gw patah hati.

i really don't know what i've to say but i thanked God for that.
if we met yesterday, gw serius ga tau apa yg bakal terjadi.
apakah gw akan meledak ledak?
apakah gw akan nangis?
gw ga tau.

tapi di satu sisi, gw pingin ketemu dia
setelah kejadian itu, gw sama sekali belum lihat muka dia lagi.
i really want to see him but my brain said no.
dia disana juga sama ceweknya.
i regret and feel lucky at the same time.

my friend said that he's too afraid to see me.
i don't know if he's afraid because he felt guilty for what he had done to me, or he's afraid if his girlfriend would finds out.
i think he's a coward, a chicken.

am i already over him?
me, myself still don't know the answer.
i know it needs time, but i dont know for how long.

Everything is beautiful in it's time

i have to admit that this 2013 is totally not my year at all.
i just have a broken heart at the end of 2012, and my dad got stroke at the beginning of new year.
and when doctor diagnosed that he got stroke, i know this going to change my life forever, change my family and everything.

i am just and ordinary teenager who wants to have a normal life like others.
not because i don't love my dad. i love him, i do, i really do.
but sometimes these things are making me frustrated.

my dad, can't go to work anymore.
and for the stroke patient, they have to do some kind of therapy at home for making the independent again.
he himself, still not accept why he get the disease, but he also lazy to do the therapy.

i met a lot of people that got stroke. and i have to say that my dad still have the lucky condition.
he still be able to walk, to feel, and to eat. just his hand that still need a lot therapy to do.
but those people seems to accept the fact and go on with their life.
they're able to laugh, communicate, socialize, etc.
except my dad.

he feel so embarrassed.
he doesn't want to meet people.
everyday always whining.
everyday always crying.
everyday always mad and angry to everybody.

he become stubborn
he become so sensitive
he become egoist

i don't understand why he still not have the spirit to heal
me, myself also feel so bored and annoyed with all his whining and crying thing
and i also feel so frustrated when he shout whenever i said something for his own good.

lucky me, i go to the university. which makes me to live in the dorm for one week.
but still, i have to go home every weekend.
i feel so lucky so i don't have to face my dad everyday because i know that will making me insane.
but i feel so pity for my mom and brother.

God, when will this end?
i always want to have a happy family, healthy until they can be able to see their grandchildren.
i want them to see and attend at my wedding someday.
i want them to be happy.
but somehow, i'm not sure if my wishes are going to come true.

life's sucks. i know that.
life doesn't always smooth.
it's my choice whether to face or give up..
i choose to face this.
i believe everything will be beautiful in it's time.

The best will always go first

pernah ga bertanya-tanya, sampai kapan kita bakal hidup?

sampai umur berapa kita bisa menikmati dunia ini?

bagaimana kita meninggal?

bagaimana orang-orang disekitar kita jika kita meninggal?

kemana kita akan pergi setelah itu?

apakah kita sempat ngucapin selamat tinggal?

apakah kita sempat minta maaf?

apakah kita sempat bilang 'aku sayang kamu' sama orang yg kita sayang?

atau siapa yang akan duluan ninggalin kita?

i've just lost my super good and kindest friend.

kenapa setiap ada teman yang ninggalin kita, semua kenangan bisa muncul mendadak?

gw sekelas sama dia pas semester 1, dan kelompok gw kerja sama dengan kelompok dia untuk nyelesain tugas-tugas yang diberikan dosen.

he's not so smart, but he's a hardwoker.

dia adalah orang tersabar 

dia adalah orang yang baik

dan dia pergi begitu cepat

gw masih inget waktu gila-gilaan di mobil dia rame-rame,

dia sprint dan drift pake mobilnya.

gw masih inget kerjain tugas rame-rame ke cibubur,

dan dia dengan sabar menghadapi temennya.

gw masih inget saat dia di make up jadi banci,

dan itu foto berdua pertama dan terakhir gw sama dia.

gw masih inget sehari sebelum dia pergi,

gw nyapa dia tanpa sadar itu terakhir kali gw liat dan ngobrol sama dia.

umurnya sama kayak gw. 20 tahun.
dia punya pacar yang sayang
punya keluarga yang cinta
punya teman-teman yang setia.
kenapa dia harus pergi secepat itu?
padahal masa depannya masih panjang
cita-citanya belom tercapai
harapan orang tuanya belum tersampaikan
I don't understand why good people died first, not the other way round. It's unfair

mungkin Tuhan sangat menyayangi dia karena dia sangat begitu baik.
mungkin Tuhan ingin cepat-cepat bertemu dengan dia.
mungkin Tuhan ingin dia berada di sisinya.
the best will always go first.

may you rest in peace my friend.
i will never forget you and all the things we have done.
mungkin lo emang udah ga ada, tapi selamanya lo tetep ada di hati orang-orang yang sayang sama lo...
don't worry about things because i know that you'll be happy up there, with Father in heaven.