2014.

Today is the very first day of 2014. The day I write my first page of 365 pages.
I always want to spend new year with lots and lots joys and happiness. But I guess I have to start this new year with tears.

Remember about the story of my dad?
well, it's been 1 year since he got that stroke. and yesterday, after he blamed our driver because he got that disease, he blamed me. he blamed everything on me.

my reaction after heard his thoughts?
i slam my car door really hard. i dont care anymore about him.
everything about him always make me sick.
did i cry? yeah.
i totally regret for having a father like him.
i dont care anymore if everyone sees me cry. i want everybody to know that he's a jerk.

and today, my mom received a message from my driver that he doesnt want to work anymore.
see! dia selalu bikin kita semua susah.
bikin nyokap susah, bikin gw ga bisa jalanin hidup yang normal and i'm sick of it!
kemana mana mau naik taksi lah.. i cant stand to live with an adult that act like a child.
kadang gw suka berpikir jahat, andai dia terlalu terlambat pas kena stroke dan ga selamat...
mungkin kehidupan gw nyokap sama dede ga akan sesusah ini....
and because of yesterday incident, i really wish that he can go to hell.
bilang gw durhaka? terserah, gw udah ga peduli sama pendapat orang. gw udah terlalu muak sama orang itu.
i even ashamed to call him father.

i also tell my mom kalo temen gw yang udah lulus kuliah sekarang udah kerja.
and i regret it telling that kind of story to her.
she said if i go to singapore, dia udh bisa pensiun.
i know i love her more than anything. tapi pernyataan kayak gitu bikin nambah beban buat gw.
next time, gw harus hati2 kalo mau cerita ini itu ke nyokap..

my 2014 resolution?
1. i really should get a boyfriend.
2. make my mom happy
3. i just want to be happy.

2013 has been a tough year for me. i've learned about responsibility. there are lots of tears, laughter, joys, hates and loves. i've learned how to face brokenheart, handle my emotion, pretend that i'm strong. the point is, i've learnt a lot.
i should say thank you 2013. it was a great year. i hope 2014 will be a much better year for me.

I hope.