true love?

I don't know how, I don't know why, but it's been so long after i have this kind of feeling...
the feeling when you fall in love with someone, the feeling when you wait for that someone to call you just to say good morning when you wake up and good night before you go to bed.
the feeling when you don't feel so lonely anymore..

the feeling when the more you fall in love, the more you feel frustrated. it's been 3 years since i have this kind of feeling.

it all started on 12 March 2015. when i decided to be introduced to someone. i wasn't thinking about it, i just said yes. let's say his name is Ray.

waktu itu tiba2 tante gw yang lagi berlibur ke USA buat ketemu sama anaknya nanya mau ga dikenalin sama ssorg.. dia kerja di restoran punya anaknya. she said that he doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, loves his mother. i even asked my cousin and she said yes. she told me that he is a hardworking person.

awalnya kita cuma chatting biasa, basa-basi nanya ini itu sampe akhirnya basa basi itu berlangsung setiap hari selama sebulan. the only thing that makes me frustrated is he's so far away, we have 12 hours in time difference. everyday i have to wait until he wake up and so do he. dari semua yang berawal di keisengan, i finally start to fall in love again..

semakin gw deket sama dia gw pun semakin galau. gw ga bisa ngeliat muka dia secara langsung, gw ga bisa respon langsung sama jokes2 yang dia kasih ke gw, gw ga bisa ngambek atau marah secara langsung, i only can express my feeling through chat. I really want he to see my face when i laugh, sad or angry at him. and i also want to see his face when he see me. i just want that...

everytime i fell in love with someone, i always do all the stalking thing. but with this man, i barely know him. i dont know his friends, family or even his full name. when i finally found out that he stalked me, i blushed. i dont know why but i cant be not excited about that. he knows me better than i know him.

selama sebulan itu kita bahkan ga pernah sekalipun out of topic. meskipun kita beda umur sampe 8 thn, tapi gw bisa ngimbangin dia dan juga sebaliknya. my world really turns upside down for the last month. gw bisa senyum2 sendiri, gw bisa re-read our conversation while he asleep..

but i hate to accept the fact that everytime i say good morning, he says good night. i really hate to accept that i only can see his face through laptop screen..

somehow it just feel so unfair..
why when i finally find someone that i like, when i finally find someone that like me for who i am, it is hard for me to reach him.
not because he is out of my league, but he's out of my reach.
somehow i just close my eyes and imagine that he's beside me, comfort me, hug me..
eventhough he's not my type at all, but funny how people fell in love.

i'm stuck.
i dont know what to do.
i'm frustrated.
because we are stuck where we are.