...

I actually don't know what to say..
met him on dating app called Tinder.
first date turned into second date, third, fourth and fifth.
I remember every single date until last night, the unexpected happened to me.
never face that kind of situation, but somehow, I'm happy..

I knew him for almost 3 months.
selama itu kita selalu date di mall, watching movies and dinner date.
sampe date ke 3, he held my hand in funny ways, i still remember every details.
the drama when i told my mom about him, yg bahkan blm jadian aja udh drama..

3 bulan kenal total ketemu cuma 5 kali,
i thought, ini orang serius apa engga, kenapa gw ngerasa jalan di tempat ga maju ga mundur..
until last night..

kita date seperti biasa di puri mall,
karena gw pikir dia jauh klo jmpt gw dulu bulak balik, gw pergi sendiri ngegrab.
selama nonton dan makan ngobrol biasa, dia curi2 pegang tangan sebentar.
sampe akhirnya dia nganter pulang sampe depan rumah gw dan gw siap2 untuk turun..

him: jangan turun dulu dong gw mau ngomong
me: hah? ngomong apa sih?
him: jadi kita kapan pergi lagi?
me: lah ga tau kan lu yang kerjaa, apa sih aneh ah
him: mmmm intinya gw cuma mau bilang gw suka sama lu

the he held my hand, the way i like it jari2nya ada di sela jari gw.

him: gw suka sama lu, gw harus bilang sekarang karena kita kalo jalan bbrp kali ga maju2 percuma aja. lu tau gw pengen bgt pegang tangan lu kek gini tapi gw ga tau reaksi lu gimana. gw suka sama kepribadian lu, dari kita chatting terus..
him: jangan diem dong, lu ada yg mau lu omongin ga?
me: yaa gw juga nyaman, cuma gw blom melihat jelek2nya lu
him: jelek2 kan bisa ketauan sambil kita jalan, gw tuh pengen gw yg jmpt lu tiap kita pergi kek hari ini lu bilang lu mau naik grab yauda, tapi gw pengen gw yg jemput lu. next kalo kita jalan gw pengen kita pergi ke tempat lain bukan mall doang.. gw ga mau kita cuma ttm aja krn gw tau lu pernah digituin.. next kalo kita pergi, can i hold your hand like this?

gw cuma bisa ngangguk.
yang gw rasain jantung gw mau copot deg-degan pake banget, i'm lost of words ga tau hrs ngomong apa karena gw ngerasa gw udah denger yg gw mau denger.

him: tapi gw harus bilang gw bukan cowo yang romantis, lu kalo suka cowo yg romantis gw ga bisa tapi gw akan berusaha. gw ngom gini sama lu aja di mobil.

actually, gw ga peduli dia romantis atau engga. romantis is a plus tapi gw ga pernah expect org untuk romantis ke gw. dan gw masih deg2an bgt, selama dia ngom tangan gw dipegang terus sambil dielus-elus. then the unexpected happens, he kissed my cheek, twice.

him: gw cium pipi ya

not waiting for my answer at all, pipi gw udah dicium.
and my reaction? gw reflect jauhin badan gw.
i was shocked. i want it but it was unexpected and it just reflects. the only action that i regret doing it.
mungkin dia jg ga nyangka sama reaksi gw, and suddenly gw cuma diem ga tau mau ngom apa..

him: lu ga marah kan?
me: engga kok
him: abis lu tiba2 diem, kaget ya?
me: lumayan
him: jangan marah yaa, gw sayang bgt sama lu (he put his forehead on my shoulder while saying it). next klo kita pergi gw boleh ya pegang tangan lu?
me: boleh.

i got butterflies, no, whole damn zoo in my stomach.
sampe kamar gw cuma bisa tiduran sambil mencerna apa yg baru terjadi.
i can't stop touching my cheek, remembering how it feels when he held my hand, puter ulang di otak gw kejadian di mobil tadi.
mau tidur ga bisa, udah tidur ga nyenyak,
gw kebangun bangun tengah malem dan yg gw inget adalah kejadian di mobil..
i never felt like this before, and never been in this situation.
even until now, i'm still doing the same..

i've been on blind dates so many times, meskipun gw berpikir selama date dengan org yg berbeda gw ngerasa it goes so well, tapi nyatanya with them ga pernah berlanjut ke next date, itulah kenapa i never expect too much because i know once you put your hope so high, you get broken heart. because reality sucks.

but now, i can't wait for our next date.