pissed.

today, since this morning, my mood has been ruined.

pagi2 pas nyokap berangkat kerja, tiba2 dia telpon ke hpnya. ok, hp nya ketinggalan dan gw hrs nganter tuh hp. my mom was waiting di tengah jalan dan perjalanan gw sampai ke tmpt nyokap ga bisa cepet because of god damn traffic. gw coba ngebut, nyokap ga sabaran. pas gw kasih hpnya, not even a thankyou word, tp malah muka berkerut. ok, disana gw langsung kesel.

at home, as always, my dad bilang klo ada supir yang mau pake mobilnya. ok, so i told him i have kerja kelompok. he asked me jam berapa, i told him ga tau pokoknya siang.

then the drama started. dia ngerasa jawaban dari mulut gw nadanya super ga enak, and as always he started to yell. so i told him nada gw itu udh biasa aja dan gw emang jawab apa adanya.
dan mulailah dia ungkit2 masa lalu, bagaimana dia capek nganterin gw sekolah blablablabla, sampe akhirnya dia banting gelas yang menurut gw itu sama sekali ga perlu dilakukan. then he yelled, "gw ga bahagia punya anak sama istri, tau gitu pas bayi gw banting aja. liat tuh si xxx, biar sakit, ga punya anak sama bini hidupnya enak, cepet bae"

i'm so sick of those sentences, kenapa ga lu bilang sendiri ke nyokap klo lu ga mau, divorced will be a great choice and i definitely know who am i gonna choose. dia bilang ga bahagia??? he is the one who make himself unhappy. wasting his money for unnecessary doctor yang menurut gw cuma mau duit. i mean come on! dokter juga pasti tau apa yang harus dilakukan pasien struk. bukannya komersil suruh dateng terus biar duit ngalir terus.

i really sick about everything that he said. seolah olah dia emang udh berkorban banyak, tapi semua omongan dia bener2 bullshit. did i cry? of course. i was crying not because i am sad. tapi krn gw kesel knp hal kek gini harus terjadi sama gw. it seem so unfair. bilang gw jahat, but somehow he is nothing but dead person for me. bagi gw he is not a father. he doesn't have any father figure. he is just an old sick person that i have to take care so he can live longer. i'm sorry if these words are so mean, tapi gw udh cape pura2, cape liat dia sok merasa yg paling menderita, paling harus merasa di kasihanin. dia ga mikirin nyokap sama sekali, ga mikirin org2 di sekitarnya sama sekali. what kind of father is that.

he's nothing but a jerk. once a jerk, forever a jerk.